Notes about the service

I didn't include much in the way of specifics about the service we did for Lawrence on May 5, so I thought I would go ahead and do that now. First, an update. As you know, we received the autopsy results this week. We followed up with the mortuary yesterday and they were still waiting for the doctor to sign off on his death certificate. Apparently they had some difficulty in getting that taken care of, but it seems to be falling into place now. The doctor was supposed to sign off today and we should be able to pick up LJ's remains tomorrow. This, of course, has led to me occasionally wishing I could hold him one more time or do something. This is bringing more of a sense of finality to all of this and it hurts some. It is also a relief that his earthly being will finally be at rest. Every step that allows us some bit of forward movement is good, even when it is difficult. Tomorrow night, Darrel is taking me to a movie at the State Theater and I'm looking forward to that. Connor will get a night with his Auntie, Uncle and cousins. I'm sure he'll enjoy it. It will be quiet, though. Today was my last ESL class for the spring term. I'm going to use the summer to revamp my lessons and likely work on writing my own citizenship book (we'll see how that goes). I also have a lot of reading to do and, of course, the business needs some of my attention. Our journalism program will also go through the summer and we are looking forward to that.

Two weeks from today (I haven't been to bed yet, so it is still Thursday), Connor D will turn two! I can hardly believe it. We need to finalize a couple of things and get invitations sent for his part. Time has slipped away from me in the midst of the emotional and physical blur of the last (almost) three weeks. Has it really been that long already? How is that possible?

ok, so for the promised notes about the service. My dad did the Old Testament Reading. My sister-in-law did the New Testament reading. Our dear friend (who is Connor's Godfather and likely would have been Lawrence's Godfather) read one of the Psalms. We had three clergy present -- Father Glenn, Deacon George and Reverend Kathie. Having such an amazing and prayerful clergy team made for a beautiful service. Our friend Fil read a couple of things on our behalf. Darrel had written something detailing his experiences from that dreadful night and his feelings that followed. I wrote a poem. I also put together a prayer using pieces of what we'd written and other prayers from the Book of Common Prayer (1979). The service included a full Eucharist. Our friends put together a lovely reception that followed the service. And as people left, we offered them each a balloon to release. Some wrote on them. Some did not. I am blessed to have watched a handful of the releases. We allowed everyone to do it in their own time and own way and I think that was a good way to go. Everyone also left with a blue and pink ribbon in recognition of stillbirth awareness. The day before, Darrel, our cousin and I worked diligently on preparations for the service...the most time and effort went into carefully putting together the ribbons. It was time well spent and we've found that even people who weren't at the service want ribbons. We still have a few left (although most of them do not have the pins attached) if anyone would like one.

We are being remembered in thoughts and prayers around the world. Among those, we are being remembered during prayer at the daily masses at St. Peter's Basilica in Vatican City. Lawrence Joseph also has a page in a book at the Church of the Holy Innocents in New York City. We are most thankful for all of our friends and family who are remembering us in their thoughts and prayers...and for all of the support we have received. I'm even thankful for the well-meaning people who don't know quite what to say and those who despite not knowing quite what to say, open their mouths and say things that aren't particularly comforting. (At least once I heard, "well, you look good" at a time when I really didn't care...it was less than a week after we lost our angel and how I looked was the farthest thing from my cares and worries. But we've heard all sorts of odd things since then, too.)

To close tonight, I will include the poem I wrote and the prayer I put together. We are hoping that there is some way we can help get some form of official stillbirth acknowledgment to be put in place in the Episcopal Church. And, we are hoping that if there is anything we can do to make this possible, we will have the opportunity to do so.

From a mama of an angel

We never got to know you
or see your sparkling eyes
We never saw you crawl or run;
God took you, by surprise.

How we long to hold you,
watch you grow and play.
We wish that you were with us;
You are in God's loving arms
as we are left to pray.

You are with your Papa now,
as choirs of angels sing.
We love you and we miss you
And pray for comfort that
only God can bring.

We pray you'll be there waiting
with Jesus by your side
He loves the little children and
He is our only guide.

*******************************

Prayer for Lawrence Joseph
(including excerpts from BCP prayers)

O God, our times are in your hand. We know that in Jesus Christ there are no goodbyes. We humbly beseech thee graciously to behold and bless those whom we love, now absent from us, especially Lawrence Joseph. Grant that we may be bound together by thy love in the Communion of the Holy Spirit, and in the fellowship of thy saints. We entrust all who are dear to us to thy never-failing care and love, for this life and the life to come. Look with pity upon the sorrows of thy servants, especially Darrel, Rebekah, and their family. Remember them in mercy, and bring them peace. Helps their seeds of faith and hope to grow. Hold Lawrence Joseph in your loving arms. And, be with us all, through Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen.