God is at work

I believe God is in control. I agree with the sentiment expressed by Mother Teresa, "I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much." I know God is ALWAYS at work. I know he has a plan. The idea that, "we plan, God laughs" is something I agree with which is partly why Darrel and I avoid using the "p-word" as we have for the past six years. I am not perfect. In fact, I am far from perfect. I am human. I question God. I ask Him why He does the things He does. I wonder, "why me" at times. But in the end...I know...God IS in control.

As some of you may know, I was heading to the Women of Faith conference in San Jose this weekend. As the weekend neared, I was both excited (as I love these conferences and it was a miracle that I was able to attend this year...I would not have gone if I had not won tickets because my mom was not going this year) and nervous (I never know what will trigger a cry and I was afraid something could trigger a major cry and I would not be able to stop). In the week leading up to the event, I was having a difficult time. I later discovered a mathematical error was actually what triggered the emotional difficulty I was having. It had to do with thinking about where I thought I would be in my pregnancy had I not lost LJ at 25 weeks. (Turns out, I had added an extra week.) I even sent an e-mail through the Women of Faith site sharing my thoughts heading into the weekend.

A dear friend of mine was accompanying me to the conference. She, too, is a small business owner who has been experiencing struggles. Financially we are going through some similar things. We often share stories. We share our trials, our triumphs and we talk a LOT about God and how he works in our lives.

Now...I will get to the "meat" of this story. The weekend.

My dad had reserved our hotel room on his credit card. My intent was to write him a check at the end of the month. I had taken a small amount of cash after calculating exactly what I thought I would need for dinner Friday, a book (or two) and lunch on Saturday. We arrived at the hotel to discover that they could not process the hotel room on his card without either him present or something in writing from him. He was not anywhere that he could fax written authorization. I panicked, as I do. The hotel would require a pretty hefty deposit (more than the cost of the room). My friend and I were both extremely limited in what we had in the way of cash. After a meltdown, I was able to think a little more clearly. Brenda said to me, "God will take care of it."

The clock was ticking. We had originally arrived in plenty of time to get checked in, have dinner and arrive at the conference. Now all of a sudden, we probably didn't have time for dinner and we still didn't have a room. The lady at the front desk called another nearby hotel. Maybe they'll take the card, we all thought. No such luck. HOWEVER...the room cost less and there was no hefty deposit required, just the cost of the room. We found the hotel and got checked in using our cash which left us both with significantly less than we had budgeted for the weekend and we still hadn't spent any money on the things for which we had budgeted. Also, we were out of time. We either had to have dinner and skip the evening session or attend the evening session and have a late dinner. We opted for the latter.

We arrived at the HP Pavilion and pulled into a parking lot. Parking cost $15. I knew we would have to pay for parking. I did NOT expect it to cost that much. My heart almost stopped. I thought about telling Brenda to forget it and just go back in the morning, but something...someone...God...didn't allow me to say it. As we parked, she said, "you know, we could just come back tomorrow." I pointed out that we had already paid and that I felt we needed to go to the evening session. We parked and off we went.

It was an AMAZING night. Anita Renfro was funny. She shared some of her usual things and she talked about her one-week-old grandbaby. Her first. Patsy Clairemont made us laugh a little and she shared some heart-warming and heart-breaking stories. And then, the kicker came. Awhile back, I shared Natalie Grant's song "Held" here. I talked about how it has taken on new meaning for me and how much it means to me. (Go ahead and listen to it again.) Natalie Grant was scheduled to sing. During her time at the evening session, she was talking a little bit as she started to introduce "Held." She referenced an e-mail she received after getting off the plane that day from "A woman at this conference who recently gave birth to a stillborn baby."

I gasped. I put my hands over my mouth. I held in a huge urge to sob and just let out a few tears as I fought to catch my breath. Friday night, "Held" wasn't just a song that was taking on new meaning for me. It was ministering to me. Sitting on the floor, right by where the speakers and guests would come and go, I knew I had to thank her. As she exited, I stopped her and I said, "I'm the mom." We hugged and she talked to me briefly. If any one thing had gone differently leading up to the conference, there's no telling whether or not I would have been there or experienced that in the same way.

God IS in control.

The next day, we stopped at a local Save Mart to get some snacks and things for the day. Brenda worked her evangelistic mojo which was uplifting to witness. As we neared the arena, we talked about the craziness of charging $15 for parking. At the same time, we kept our eyes open for other options. And then, it was there...a parking lot that charged only $3 to park ALL day...directly across the street from some of the $15 parking. You all know which we chose.

We headed on our short walk to the arena and Brenda realized she wasn't going to do so well in the shoes she was wearing, so she asked me to wait for her while she went back to change shoes. A few minutes later, she came back saying, "God is so good." I asked, "what happened now?" (I realized something unexpected had happened.) As it turned out, she had left her car window down. Had she not gone back, there's a pretty good chance things would not have been as we left them.

God IS in control.

I was strengthened and encouraged by Sheila Walsh's thoughts that day. I was uplifted and amused by Luci Swindoll's thoughts that day. I was able to pick up a couple of books AND I even got two of them autographed. Sheila Walsh asked if I had received her note (an e-mail sent the day before which I had received) and she offered me prayers and encouragement. It was an amazing day.

I know I am leaving something out. There was so much and at every turn Brenda and I were thanking and praising God.

He truly is in control.

And yet...the weekend did not stop there.

I was not going to go to church this morning. I thought we would stay home and have a lazy morning and maybe go to a local afternoon service. When I heard Connor stirring around 8:30, the first thought in my mind was, "we can go to church." I drifted in and out of sleep as I listened to Connor quietly playing in bed. But the thought, "we can go to church" came in loud and clear during those 15 minutes or so. And so, i got up and started getting Connor ready. As if I wasn't already convinced, the sound of him cheering, "CHURCH!" is enough to make anyone want to go.

We had plenty of time. Then we were cutting things a little close and as we were on our way, I realized that we were going to be late, no doubt. I started questioning whether or not we should continue with the drive, but convinced myself we would go no matter what. I had intended to pay our pledge this morning since we didn't go to church last week and I like to do that at the beginning of the month.

We had a guest today who is involved with Food For the Poor, Inc. and I enjoyed listening to him. I thought about supporting the ministry. I set the information down. I looked again and then put it down. Then, as I was writing my regular check to the church, I realized that it was weighing heavily on my heart to do something. So, I did. With $21...I am helping to feed over 400 kids. They may feel blessed, but I am the one who is blessed by this opportunity. I didn't really take any time to seriously look at the World Vision files at Women of Faith. I knew that monthly support is not something I am ready to offer and mom and I started supporting a World Vision child at last year's event. It wasn't something I felt I was supposed to do. This morning, I felt that tug on my heart. I knew I was supposed to do it and I knew God was in control of the decision.

God is most definitely in control.

I don't know what He is doing or what His plan is, but I know that He has a plan and He is doing something in my life. I saw Him at work all weekend long. It was an awesome journey. I can only hope and pray that my words here do it some kind of justice.

I wonder what tomorrow will bring.

***

As an aside. My mom and I took Connor down for a visit with my grandparents in mid-June. The last weekend of June, Darrel and I made a quick trip down to photograph our dear friends of B.O.O.K. at their Magic Mountain performance. We have been to Jamestown, Columbia, McConnell and Ft. Tejon. We have visited Ghirardelli and BassPro Shops. We have had a pretty cool summer. It has been tiring, emotional, uplifting, fun and unforgettable. We are getting ready for a slightly longer trip to Southern California to pick up a vehicle. We will visit with family and friends. We hope to get to the beach and the LA Zoo and we are looking forward to some time in Uptown Whittier. This is my kind of summer. the only thing left is the fishing trip that we still NEED to do. Your continued prayers are appreciated.