Service set

We set up a service for our little man Lawrence (Larry). It will be Tuesday at 9:30 a.m. at Christ the King Episcopal Church. We selected some beautiful music and the readings are perfect. Just a few more details to iron out, I think, and we'll be set.

Now, I just wish I could wrap my mind around why in the world I have to do this. My heart is broken. It hurts. Today has been a difficult day and yet, therapeutic. I played cars with Connor this evening and it was very comforting. Especially so when he climbed into my lap to get some snuggle time while we continued to play. It's good to feel some joy in the midst of the sorrow and heart break.

The song below is something I can somewhat relate to, but it also helps me appreciate what I have just a little bit more. Connor is my saving grace right now. We are blessed. I dedicate to the women who are struggling as we are or differently. Whatever your struggle on your road to mommy-hood...hang in there. You're not alone. Neither am I. God is in control.

A song

If you want to listen...here's a song.

The hardest post of my life

I've been through some pretty traumatic things in my life, but I don't think anything comes close to the experience I had this weekend. Our family is hurting, that is for sure.

Saturday afternoon I went in to Labor and Delivery because I had what I thought was a urinary tract infection, but was concerned could be contractions. They monitored the baby and me. He was checking out fine. I wasn't having contractions. I tested positive for a UTI. So, we were sent on our way with a prescription.

Last night, I was having similar pains (same location, but a little more painful than earlier in the day). I was having trouble getting to sleep. I was miserable. Before I knew it, I felt like I was possibly in labor, so I talked with Darrel. We went back to the hospital. Within minutes of getting checked in and into a gown in the L&D department I delivered our second son. He had no heartbeat and no attempt to breathe. There was nothing that could be done.

We named him Lawrence "Larry" Joseph. His first name is for our dads. Joseph is also a family name. None of these names were being considered, but they are two of the three that we both had come to mind after he was born.

We've been asked what people can do. This is our request: please keep us in your prayers and please hug your families, especially your children. I will post more when I can.

Welcoming "Fr. T" and other excitement

I'm really excited about a couple of upcoming events with the Episcopal Church in the Diocese of San Joaquin. one is a ministry fair at the parish we attend in Riverbank -- Christ the King. I'm hoping Darrel, Connor and I will be able to make it at least for a little while.

Father Terry Martin is "currently exploring creative and innovative strategies for evangelism" and is holding a series of Community Fora in the Diocese of San Joaquin. The forum in Turlock is scheduled for May 3 and I'm looking forward to it. I think my parents are going to come down our way (I know, it's not very far, but I still like it when they come our way) for the event too. Should be interesting. If you're interested in this, you can check out some of the details here:
http://fathertlistenstotheworld.blogspot.com/2009/04/community-forums-in-episcopal-diocese.html

We have the Delhi Spring Art Show closing reception on May 2 beginning at 7 p.m. We'll have some music indoors first, then a reading from a local author and then a long set by B.O.O.K. and I am, of course, looking forward to that as well. It should be a fun weekend and I hope we bring out some more people to the art show.

It's WAY too hot today. It's still in the mid-90s and it's 7 p.m. Ick! Isn't this April?! This is only supposed to last a couple of days, but a couple of days is still too much...it's APRIL!

I'm back at work albeit on light duty. Things are going pretty well so far and I pray they continue.

Connor's laugh is an awesome sound. His smile is a great sight. Life is good. And, I am thankful.

The Lord is risen indeed! Alleluia! Alleluia!

I hope everyone has a happy and blessed Easter Sunday.

We are spending the afternoon with family, of course. We'll be headed out to my sister-in-law's before too long and my parents are coming out there as well. I'm looking forward to it. There will, of course, be a great Easter Egg hunt for the kids and I know Connor will enjoy that. I think his cousin Kevin is going to take him around to hunt eggs like he did last year.

We spent yesterday afternoon at an Easter event in Delhi. Darrel and I were promoting the upcoming art show and his art. Connor was having fun doing kid stuff...playing on the playground and doing an Easter egg hunt. He was a bit unsure about the bounce house he tried even being with all little guys.

Anyway....hope someone enjoys the music I'm including below. It's the best I could find. The only thing that bothered me about it was the clapping at the end. I do not understand clapping in church. But, this is one of my favorite Easter Hymns...

Perinatologist visit update

My appointment today consisted of a very in-depth ultrasound and short meeting with the doctor. The baby is still measuring about two days ahead. He looked really good. He was not entirely co-operative so I will have to go back in a few weeks so they can take another look. He is still a boy. =)

The placenta is high and back which is not exactly where it is supposed to be, but it's not a major concern as it would be if it were placenta previa. They do think that something going on with the placenta has been the cause of the bleeding I have experienced. They also think that I can expect a little more bleeding. The "heterogeneous tissue" that was observed before is likely old blood. They saw something similar in this ultrasound. Likely at some point there was some separation of the placenta and perhaps it has not completely healed. I still need to take things very easy. I am cleared to go back to work with orders to take things easy and I will need to make sure that I sit as much as I can. So, I will return to work next week, but I am not cleared to go back to the way I tend to live life which is very busy. I need to keep taking things slow and easy. I still need to ask for help and I still need to not do any heavy lifting. This means I should still not pick up and carry my 30-pound toddler around, but we figure I can go back to helping at bathtime and such. I need to remember (and Darrel will help me to do so) that I can't jump back in with both feet.

I have an appointment scheduled with my regular doctor next week and I will keep that appointment so I can go over today's appointment with him. One of the recommendations they made is that I be tested for gestational diabetes early. They think it is possible that I have developed it. I was borderline when I was pregnant with Connor, so this isn't entirely surprising. We'll see how the one-hour test goes, but I know I should be prepared to have to do the three-hour test.

I go back to the perinatologist's office on May 6. They will take some more pictures of baby boy #2 and meet with me again. If Darrel and I have any concerns at all, we should go to the L&D department and be checked out. Starting in about seven to ten days, if need be, there are things they can do for the baby (as in, if he needs to come early). We are, of course, still hoping and praying that he will stay where he is as long as he possibly can.

So, I'm still taking things easy. I will stay down however much I can. But, I do get to return to work. We'll see where we go from here.

Darrel is going to display some of his art at a community Easter event on Saturday. I'm hoping one of our nephew's will be able to go and help take Connor around to the kids' activities. I will primarily be moral support. =) We have a quiet dinner that we're hoping to have with friends and then we'll go to church Saturday night. Then we can stay home until the middle to later part of the afternoon on Sunday. I can sit and relax at my sister-in-law's house while Connor has a good time enjoying Easter activities. I'm looking forward to getting out a little this weekend, but we are building in ways for me to take things easy and stay down.

So, there are some updates for everyone. If you have any questions or think I left out something, let me know.

Quick updates...

My niece turned one today. Darrel and I weren't there to help celebrate, but Connor went with my mom and dad. They all three had a good time, but it seems Connor especially had a wonderful time! He played Pin the Tail on the Donkey and helped knock a pinata around. He was home in time to have dinner with us and it was nice to have a somewhat quiet evening at home. We had originally thought we would be having dinner with friends, but that didn't turn out to be the case. Anyway...

The exciting new for the evening is that Connor asked to use the potty right before bed and he actually peed on the potty. It was a celebratory moment. We all enjoyed it! Then he went to bed and we settled in for the night. It was a big boy day for our "little" guy. =)

I'm still working my way through Sheila Walsh's "get off your knees and Pray." It's a great book that I may have to read a second time because I want to put some parts of it together for a small group study. We'll see. For now, I am enjoying reading it and relating to it. Since this past week I have been reading it, I've had a Casting Crowns song stuck in my head, so I'm going to share it with you now....


We are also headed into Holy Week. For an interesting twist, I thought I'd kick things off with a Johnny Cash version of Hymn #172 (in the 1982 Hymnal):


And, of course, since tomorrow is Palm Sunday, I should include Hymn #154/155...All Glory Laud and Honor...

Here's to a prayerful week ahead...

Lots of love on the homefront

I'm still at home. I have a week to go until I meet the perinatologist. The note I originally received for my leave from work said I was to be off work through April 3. So, I thought I might be able to teach for an hour or so on Monday, April 6. When I called to make sure it would be ok with my doctor, it was confirmed that I need to be off at least until I meet with the specialist and they were going to put another note together for me for work. So, no work for me on Monday afterall, which, of course, makes me a little sad. But I knew it was a possibility and I am trying to take things in stride.

We have had some great homecooked meals. Darrel's doing an awesome job of taking care of things that need our attention. My mother-in-law is still helping us out and staying with us most nights. And then, there's Connor. He's still having a difficult time about me not picking him up, but he has done some super sweet things. Before he left for daycare today, he came up to me, lifted my shirt a little and said "bye" to his baby brother through my tummy. This included hugs, kisses and snuggles. It was so sweet and the love I felt from my sweet boy was awesome.

I've started part two of the Sheila Walsh book I began reading last week. The first chapter in part two is Chapter five and looks at why God says no. I think I'll have to take this chapter a little at a time. So far, I have laughed and cried and I only just started.

So, we're hanging in as best we can. We're going to try to get a few things done around the house tomorrow. (For me this means sorting important papers from the couch or a chair and then putting the finishing touches on our tax stuff so we can get it to our tax guy by Friday.)

I just have to keep taking things one day at a time.

So, is anybody out there? Or am I still typing just for myself?